By now we have to be aware by the way our parents treat us that its evitable that most calm parents with time turn into the furious and irriatated ones. With time they happen to face a lot of crises and problems with upbringing a child.
It becomes difficult to maintain a calm demonar that point of time but can we for once know that children are not the right one to handle your frustration.
Every time I fall into an argument with my mom, especially when the reason is her disturbed mental health. I quickly set a reminder for myself to start therapies so that I can heal before having kids and keep on healing while growing my kids up.
I clearly remembered how much pain my mom and dad went through, which always resisted me from debating with them. I knew that my mom had trust issues on me because her closest one had hurt her, abused her, ditched her. I knew my dad’s frustration came from the amount of hours and energy he put into for my brother and me to have a lavish lifestyle.
My family belonged to one of the worst state of life. It was my destiny written by God to be born in this situation. But at higher level I believe my parents re-wrote my destiny and changed it all. No one would look at me ever and think that I had any tough situations in my life. But I did, my whole family was traumatised to reach the level of success they have right now. And then these traumas were passed on to each other, unknowingly, unwilling and unfortunately. I knew what it felt like and I still wish that I hope my child doesnt have to feel this. It might be the most beautiful feeling to be understading towards your parent, but its still the most painful one.
I was blessed with a lot of wisdom, as my close ones know: I call myself as God’s child. I always had a wisdom mind which thought on why people did what, what was the reason for their ill behaviour and their happiness, what triggered them to what causes them healing.
I started researching more and more about this. I was and am still convinced that healing provides you the best life. It helps you think straight, think right, and be better. It helps you to be in your best capabilities to live a successful and a fruitful life. I studied all kinds of stories, psychologies and philosophies.
To know how beautiful our emotions are, not just beautiful but how sensitive they are. I wished that each and every individual as much as are aware about the latest news and gossips and aware about taxes and history, were forced to study maths and geaography, they should have been taught about psychology.
Not everyone wants to be a psychologist, agreed! I am neither.
But what made me understand human emotion is psychology. What made me understand about it is studying about anxieties, panics and depression. My nature towards thinking from other’s perspective comes from the amount of time I have read and heard a story. I tried understanding that at the end, we all suffered. At the end, someone broke us, someone mend us. At the end we all loss, we all grew up. At the end we were tramautised, and we caused trauma. At the end, nobody is complete, nobody is alone.
I constantly started feeling so much pressure of my parent having a disturbed relationship. Not just with each other but even with me. I repeatedly told myself that as a daughter I know my mom is suffering, and as a child I know how painful it is for me to be the victim of the trauma she is going through. I told myself that when I be a mother, I can’t ever do the same.
I made constant efforts to indirectly spend the healing time with my mom. I tried doing the activities I would do with my clients, without letting her know that this was all to heal her. It helped.
I would like for all of you to answer these questions…(yes, its like the acitivities I would perform in my sessions)
- How much are you aware of the things you are bad at?
- Are you aware of all the red flags you have?
- Do you ever sit back and wonder that not being the best one, I am neither allowed to judge and criticise someone?
- How much would you go and sit with a person and let them know that yes, you know that your actions traumatised them!
- Do you ever consider that at the end, it’s all a human tendency?
- Are you aware that at the end if you would have exact same life as the person infront of you, your actions would have been similar to theirs?
- Are you aware that your actions are not only painful to you but are also bothering people around you!
- Do you ever think that you wanna heal so that you unknowingly dont break someone else?
Not everyone thinks this way, and I am aware that and I very well sympathise with that.
But take time out, reflect, heal yourself to love the right one again, to treat the right one in the right way, to let your kids not go through what you faced, to be a person who is not spoiling someone’s mental health, to be a person who lived a life without passing on the trauma.
I remember someone convincing me to be healed and the only thing he said is, ‘if you dont push yoursef today, your daughter will have to push herself to take therapies.’
Thats all it took me to realise, that no matter how much ever perfect I think I can be, I would still be a villian to someone. Lets atleast not be a villain to someone we love so much.
~ Tanisha
